We are, what my wife calls, a blended family, my son is from another marriage so it goes without saying that some situations are complicated/blown out of proportion. Take for instance; we had pics done for the newborn. We paid a lady to come to our house and take professional shots of the newborn. She brought some cute props (baskets, cute striped toboggan hat, and bean bag) and plain backgrounds (black, white, purple wrap). We chose to do it this way because with our other daughter we went to one of those studios that is less expensive per sheet but they also employ teenagers that have no real artistic skill, at no fault of their own, they just hold a camera and shoot against backgrounds that the studio provides. They don't update those backgrounds very often either. Of course while deciding we looked into that studio and realized that we would have all the same shots as our first daughter. Repeated. We still spent several hundred dollars with our first and half the photos are still in the basement 18 months later collecting dust. So I said if we are going to spend that kind of money again, which is fine they are only that small once and it should be documented, then they are going to be good and we aren't going to have a shitload left over afterward. We are also being terrible children because we are going to make the families pay for the photos instead of giving them as presents.
So we did the photo shoot and everything went well. The newborn was very good and took some great pics. Of course she did... she is a newborn and absolutely adorable! Since our other daughter is only 17 months old her cute curiosity got the best of her and she hopped in some of the pics too. They turned out really good; there were a couple of really good shots of them cheek to cheek. But anyway... My son was only included in the family shots. We didn't feel it was necessary to have him do any just with the newborn. The 8 year age gap just makes for some awkward photos, he is not entirely comfortable holding such a young child. However, that opens the door for complicated debate. My wife's standpoint is that she wants pics of HER daughters and shouldn't feel obligated, mainly by my parents, to always include my son. Of course I am on the fence; it is difficult for me to solely support either standpoint. But since she is my wife I do tend to keep her happy. And so as a compromise we included him in the family picture but we also just took a pic of the four of us (my wife and I and the two girls). This infuriates my parents though. They 100% disagree with ever NOT including him. They believe that he should be in every shot. But we DO include him; just because he is not in every photo doesn't in any way mean we leave him out of anything. Going on a family vacation without him... yes that would be leaving him out (and we would NEVER do that), not cutting him from a few pictures...
The problem is, and I am starting to agree, is that my parents are so intent on including my son that they are actually excluding both of our daughters. The pics are a good example because my parents ordered a 5x7 of the family and a 4x6 of our newest addition to the family! That sent my wife off the deep end and with good reason. There are multiple 8x10 of my son in my parents’ house and at least one of our oldest daughter. There won't be any large photos of my parent's newest granddaughter... That upsets me too! She IS one of my children and I expect them to love her just the same! I am sure that my parents will try to make the argument that $30 for an 8x10 is expensive but they will hand me a $50 gift card to Wal-Mart next week! Also to mute the money excuse... they are going to spend $32 on the two pics that they are getting. One of which is the family photo that is not really that good. So spend your $30 on the 8x10! In addition, if they want 4x6 of the newborn I can print them 175 (from shutterfly for example) for the price they are paying for one! Come on admit it my wife is right, you refuse to buy a big pic because my son is not in it...
All of this is definitely solidifying my wife's defense and I am starting to agree. They are all my children and I am starting to take offense that you won't love them individually. Why do they always have to all be together? When we did our Christmas card this year, it included an individual shot of all the kids and one of them all sitting together. Why is a photo of the two babies together such a taboo that you can't buy at least one photo. The two little girls are adorable and even if my son was a child of my current wife and I, I would still just take pics of the two little girls. You are not betraying my son just because he is not in every photo on your wall. He came along 7 years before our oldest daughter together. There are many photos of him without the girls, why can't there be a few photos of just the girls?
I believe wholeheartedly in equality for my children but this is starting to seem like exclusion just because the oldest grandchild isn't in a pic. What are your thoughts? Are my wife and I being unrealistic/unfair to my son?
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